This is supposed to be about writing, but here's the thing, I've gone through a year of major changes.
Yep, changes. As in major, change your life forever, changes.
That's not my car, which was replaced, or anything else that's material. This was bigger than that.
Last April 2nd I left my husband of three years. Where did I head - home. Mom and Dad, home is where the heart is, to those people who shake their head when you make a major mistake, home. Did I feel like $hit - yeah. But you know what, I'm lucky, my Mom and Dad are cool about things. They might sit there and give me hell every once in a while, but you know what, they love me.
They really love me.
There's a reason for this post...I swear...I promise.
It was a big thing for me to leave my ex. At that point in my life it was bigger than huge. It was my whole life, attached to a guy, who I promised all this stuff to then realized it wasn't going to work.
So, I moved back home. To Mom and Dad. To my comfort zone. You know what. I got it in a split second. I'm their kid. They weren't going to kick me in the teeth when I was already down.
What I didn't know was a sick truth. A secret my parents had kept from me. Probably the second worst secret they could keep from me. The first on my list was they were splitting up. The second was one of them had cancer.
It happened. My Mom, who I'd fought with for years about boys I liked and all this high school junk, had cancer. I was panic stricken and she was cool as ice cream. That's my mom. She was born with Neurofibromatosis. The woman who said, 'I'll never be pretty, but I'll fight to the death for you'. She had cancer. It was my eye opener. Suddenly, the only other girl in a household of nine boys including my dad, not including cats and dogs, was dying. At least that's how I looked at it.
You know, I kept thinking that, even after my brothers and Dad told me she'd be okay once she went through treatments. I couldn't think of anything else. It was like my little problems of job, soon-to-be ex and car ceased to exist. They were just stuff or people who I was getting rid of. This was my mom. The woman who would fight to the death for me.
I made a mistake today. My intentions were good, but my delivery was on another planet. My mom, who owns a publishing company, had a good friend resign from her position as an editor. She took it badly. I took it even worse. Something about seeing my mom, who'd not only kicked my a$$ into writing eight months ago was at a loss. For the first time since I was a really young kid, I watched my mom struggle to keep herself together. Cancer couldn't do it. Being as sick as she was for months on end didn't do it to her. It was something else I still don't understand.
Watching a woman you respect like that struggle with the throwing up and absolute pain of chemo and radiation, trying to beat cancer, finally lose her bearings about killed me. Then I listened to all these writers who didn't know half the story give this person sympathy on Facebook. Yeah, they were all sort of like - you were the best of my mom's publishing company.
That tilted me to the point of no return.
So, I did the worst thing I probably could. I spoke out.
Was I right - in my mind - yes.
Do I give a good God damn what people think of me - hell no.
You know what I learned today. My Mom will fight to the death for me. I needed to return the favor to the one person in the world who I've let down from time to time, but who has always give her all to me.
She's my biggest champion.
The truth is - you may not like me, but hey, I'm honest.
And in the end, that's all I've got to give.